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VERY SPECIAL

by Ben Special

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1.
wake up 04:19
every time i go out i see, somebody doing it better than me, i crawl out of a patient hell, my home, what's a long time to you? i want to know, draw the bruises on and rip my clothes, spit falls out of that open mouth you never close, o, somehow you tell me i'm no good, don't have to say much, but i knew that you would, now i flatten out, it's not as fun, and the words they ring, i know you won, i don't care, i'll do it how i want, but i wait, i wait, and it never comes, o.
2.
rawr xd 03:53
you're the best i can do, how much is it you, and how much, can i help it? this place gets you down, wanna turn it around, and get out, o, i'm tryna figure out how i can say, you're all that i care for right now, in that way, i'm still the cool boy you said that you liked, i am your overalls strapped on too tight, smoke has settled and now, we're still unhappy, but how? we're spoiled, it's greed, would it be worth it to leave? o, i'm tryna figure out how to stay sane, my body's uncertain, my mind floats away, this place is evil but we're still in love, yea it's not perfect it might be enough.
3.
brood 03:28
i know that this should not be that rough, you won't but you might, and that's enough, can't help myself from feeling like i do, when i'm awake i'm dreaming of you, i try not to think about that, i'm worked up need to drink to relax, my brains already planted the seed, this is harder than it should be, nothing adds up, i can't tell what's too much, when i'm alone i get in my head, i'm jealous i hate the boy that i am, too much ambition rooted in fear, i hate that it kills me when you're not here.
4.
b+ 02:42
slow down, hit my head, act like i know em, throats cracked, lips on, the glass that i showed em, i hope when the rest hits, that gap won't close over, ooze out, the silk fills the splits in the rut now, shoot down, the last one that looks up to your mouth, let the dogs out on the ledge loose, it's not gonna end soon, and they haven't noticed, the salt will erode it, now i lock my vision, o, i'm cool, i think i'm cool, i'm cool, i think i'm cool, i'm cool, i think i'm cool, i'm cool.
5.
sock marks 03:19
my toys are all i need, i'm easy to come home to, i wanna cater to, appreciate your tones, i'm your blood clot, smooth your sock marks, hear me, i reek, take your time, i'm alive, i'll be here for a while, i am a voyeur, i enjoy the world you live in, i wanna emulate, the thoughts i know you think, i'm the abscess, swell under your arm, smooth your sock marks, take your time, i'm just fine, i'll be here for a while.
6.
heating 03:18
you tried hard to make it stop, you get unsettled when it talks, but the words they stain, your thoughts, let it sink in, they walk out as you unravel, you can't help it, push it down can't realize, those feelings penetrate your mind, you cleaned it up for the last time, so now what? pour it all out, smell the sulfur flare up, you like it, loosen your grip, let the glass dust wash over, as the wood splits, heat soothes your skin, now you're in control, again.

credits

released April 26, 2019

recorded by ben guterl
drums performed/recorded by dan howard

vocal harmonies performed by margaret mccarthy

mixed by ben guterl

mastered by jeremy kinney

big thank you to dan howard, margaret mccarthy, jesse paller, natty baker-salisbury, jamie finucane, noah schifrin, maggie musante, andrew stocker & many others for mixing help & love & support

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Ben Special Brooklyn, New York

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